I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
