I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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