you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Even my vagina gasped.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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