Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
