watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
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That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
