"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
