nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
