Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
