entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
