Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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