Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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