the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize