If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
