Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize