I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
