I smell stomach acid.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
