Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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