i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
