Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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