I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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