Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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