Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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