3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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