im drinking this country out of the recession.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
