If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
