My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
