Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We have so much sex to catch up on
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
