Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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