I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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