Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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