I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i drank out of a bidet.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize