I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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