His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
