So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
