Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
