i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
