you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize