the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
