Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
