So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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