is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize