i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize