It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
