Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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