No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this beer tastes like vomit already
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
