apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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