I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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