walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
