Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
