You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
