Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
