I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
do nipples grow back?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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