My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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