She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
