Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize