At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
