if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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