is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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