My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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