Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
