Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think people are normalizing furries
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
