you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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