I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He better not be in your backpack
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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