The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Someone signed my nipple.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
