my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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