my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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