every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
