im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
