I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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