My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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