don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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